I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
3pm strippers are depressing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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