wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize