"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
