On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I only lived at night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
