The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
