They should really pass out barf bags in church
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
