All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
