I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
