mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
