It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
