I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
