Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Randomize