I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
