New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
