They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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