dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she peed on how many people?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
