you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
