omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
