What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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