I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize