3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
