I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
