We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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