Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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