If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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