the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
