my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We are all done wearing pants today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
