Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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