That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
