as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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