I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize