I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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