Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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