My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
