I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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