Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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