Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
