I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
