my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did i walk over a car last night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
