i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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