i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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