If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize