I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
