you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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