well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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