lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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