Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
