Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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