I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
