What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
