You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
