tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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