im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
