Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
