4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
