Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
