He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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