Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
