none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
