I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
