Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
