just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
