i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
