even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
