why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
