I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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