a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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