When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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