She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize