Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
