new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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