i think my tv is drunk
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
