Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
