considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
