The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
